embrace positivity

 I went to my first audition today and I think I did ok!! I was nervous even thought it was a cold read. Outside of the audition room, I was reading the lines so I can memorize them so I can impress the casting director. Welp, that didn't happen at all!! When I went to the audition room, my mind went blank after the first line (LOL). So, after two failed attempts after trying to remember the lines, I just read the lines off my phone. I am proud of myself to just go and see what happened.      I always wanted to elevate but as of late, I have a strong inclination to level up even more in regard to anything creatively. Whether its poetry, my blog, auditioning more/extra gigs or/and even writing my short stories/novels, I AM going to keep elevating, no matter what. The process of elevating and going to the next level is different for everybody, but for me it's not surplus money in the beginning, even though I want to capitalize monetary for my art in big ways somehow bu...

 I had disabilities all of my life, Ocular Motor Apraxia when I was younger and Joubert Syndrome was discovered by my neurologist at the age of fourteen. This will be hard to pinpoint but throughout my life, I always was concerned about if people were genuinely laughing at my jokes (I can be a comedian at work, LOL), because they were funny or because of my disability. For example, I was working at Crowne Plaza and I was telling a joke and my co worker laughed her ass off to the point she fell to the ground. I told my other co worker, it wasn't that funny. That moment I wondered if she was being genuine on her laughter  or being super fake in that awkwardness because I have a disability, she just didn't know how to deal. Another example is when people say that I'm so sweet and the motherfuckers only spent two minutes with me. I hope they are genuinely nice but don't be fake nice to me since I have a disability. I don't know, this is how I felt and still sometimes fe...

Sometimes I want to chill with my own thoughts. I often reflect on my triumphs, setbacks and mistakes. I try to not regret anything, I just tell myself that I should've maneuvered in different ways. I promised myself that I wouldn't live in the past unless I reflect on how far I've come in life. I also don't want to relive the past because I had dark thoughts sometimes and I refuse to go back unless I look back on how far I've came like I said before. When I reflect, it can just look like me sitting on my couch in deep thought or the reflection can just come out of nowhere like when I go to a cafe and I think of a thought and that thought comes with many thoughts so in conclusion, deep thought. Maybe I'm mixing up reflection with getting into my emotions. Also, I could reflect on getting into my emotions. I don't know, I'm just rambling now, but I think this rambling makes sense.     In regards of getting into my emotions, I don't feel like it's ...

 Excuse me for my naiveness because I don't know the full scope of the incident that happened in Los Angeles this past week, but I can see what's definitely going on via social media. Of course, Trump has to fuck things up for human beings. I'm talking about ICE agents gathering illegal immigrants and deporting them. The immigrants might not be citizens yet, but they are human beings, and they deserve some type of human decency like the rest of the beings that live in this nation. The immigrants might not follow the right protocols, but everybody has broken a few rules, nobody's squeaky clean. In regard to the ICE agents gathering up immigrants, I think a moral high ground needs to be in place. I understand these people need a paycheck and feed their families but what's the cost behind that paycheck, separating families just because Trump's administration doesn't like the immigrants skin color. I think I can also say this about the military too. Also, I don...

 I try to be nice all the time but sometimes I fall short sometimes on how I speak to others, how I interact with others and how I respond to certain situations. I try to keep my emotions in check and most of the time, I do that well but periodically I can get annoyed easily or yell at somebody for some little reason. As I'm going to therapy sessions, I'm realizing this about me but also, I'm realizing that since I have these character mishaps, I'm human and this stuff happens but I need to correct myself as well. Prime example, I was frustrated because I was called off from work one day and I took it out on my mother. I love my mother and for anyone who reads my posts would know that. So, correcting myself looks like apologizing to my mother so I did. When I do something wrong, I have to correct myself and if I see that person or multiple individuals, I'll have to apologize no matter how big or small the incident is. The word is accountability and being mindful of ...

 On Memorial Day, I wanted to do something, it was such a nice day. Before I begin with this post, I would like to thank you for all of the service men and women, past and present who serve our mighty country and to keep the past, present and future generations safe. Back to the story, on Memorial Day, I went to the botanical gardens. I haven't been to the gardens before, so I decided to check them out. As I was exploring, a deep sense of tranquility came over me. The tranquility came over me but also a deep appreciation for nature and our planet casted over me. I never viewed myself as an advocate of climate change or save a planet type of guy but I realized that we must conserve our natural resources domestically and foreign so we can have plenty of the natural resources for our future generations.      I asked this young lady to go to the gardens with me but she declined. I was hella sad but what can I do? She gave me a reason but I'm unsure of that reason now i...

 This past Monday night I went to see the Wedding Banque t starring Bowen Yang. The Wedding Banquet is a beautiful movie that I highly recommend. I'm not going to spoil the synopsis but you gotta see the movie for yourself. I'm going to express my thoughts about the movie without trying to spoil the whole damn movie. I know people can be judgmental and reserved about how they perceive other people, especially if they don't know what exactly is going on. I try not to judge because I have been judged before, and I hated that judgment on me by other people.  There was a shooting in Orlando, Florida at a LGBTQIA + club (or should I just say a gay club) I believe a handful of years ago. Like I said in an older post, I might not share the same ideology or preferences with that community but I'm not the type to scole people just because they differ from other people. People might not accept other people's sexual preferences for religious reasons or reasons that are unknown...

 Trust me, I know it's easier said than done! Everybody has problems but at the same time, I think we have to think positive and have faith that our blessings will outweigh our problems. In my personal experience especially during these handful of past months that was difficult/straining for me, it seemed liked mini blessings that popped out in the midst of those difficult months. I want to see the mini blessings, medium blessings and the bigger blessings, I just want God to dump surplus blessings on me. Don't get it twisted. I am already blessed but that doesn't mean I don't want more blessings. Like if it was a tree of blessings, I want all of that tree, not just the damn leaves. Fast forwarding to a month or so ago, my family had a guy's night out, just a few of us went out to eat and that was a blessing within itself. That was our guy's night out, we haven't done that before and hopefully that first guys night out won't be the last. I viewed it as a...

  I love cop shows including Law & Order SVU, Law & Order: Organized Crime, Chicago PD, The Hunting Party and the list goes on and I know these shows are scripted. Even though these shows are scripted, incidents that the actors/actresses portray on these shows can be brought up in real life and the outcomes of these incidents might have more serious implications in real life rather than tv life. I often times think, if I was in those incidents on tv, how would I react in real life? From police matters to kidnapping someone I love or myself being kidnapped or being killed. I know the correct response would be to stay calm but if somebody harms me or someone that I love, I think I'll kill a motherfucker!! If somebody gets in my way via force, I'll have to kill that motherfucker too. I'm not that type of guy but please don't push me.  In regard to police matters, especially police officers (some or most) harassing or/and killing brown and black people, I wouldn...

 For the last few weeks, there has been a quarrel between sports commentator, Stephen A. Smith and NBA superstar, Lebron James. Since it's the year 2025 and how the world is evolving, social media has taken the forefront in this quarrel. There has been a lot in a few weeks or has it been months, I don't know! There is one incident that didn't sit right with me. The incident was when Stephen A was attending a Lakers game and Lebron confronted Stephen A about talking about his son, Bronny which by the way, he's a teammate of Lebron on the Los Angeles Lakers. After the video surfaced, Stephen A posted a video on Instagram of him boxing as a form of exercise, but I guess it was alluding to Lebron about in that video, it seemed like Stephen A wanted to fight Lebron. Thank God this fight didn't happen and hopefully it's not going to happen in the distant future and as two BLACK men in the spotlight, it's bad for business and most of the white counterparts think t...

  As of late I've been on a roller coaster (metaphor of how unbalance life can be) and this time, the ride I was on, seemed like it was in constant motion, and I was never going to get off. I'm not going into detail but when I was on the roller coaster, I prayed and kept praying and it was no life raft to rescue me anytime in the near future, that's what it seemed like to me anyways. Luckily, I'm off that roller coaster and a life raft came thru and, in this scenario, the life raft is God.   Life is complicated and unbalanced sometimes but if you stay positive, stay or TRY to stay away from negativity, have FAITH and be the best version of yourself and work hard, you can be prosperous in many forms, this what I truly believe! 

 As of late, there have been rumblings about a Myles Garret trade in the social media sphere, if you don't know who Myles Garrett is, he's a defensive end for the Cleveland Browns. Ultimately, he wants to win a super bowl and the Cleveland Browns haven't done that for a while. In my opinion, I don't blame Mr. Garrett because he's been showing up for the Browns every Sunday (not saying other Browns players aren't showing up the team) and I think he's just fed up. He told the media he wanted to be traded to a contender, in other words, a team that has a possibility to win on the grand stage . I was watching First Take on ESPN and they were talking about the trade, and they were also talking about Deshaun Watson dealing with the trade. Deshaun Watson is the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. I didn't know the issue was the quarterback as well, but I began to think (dangerous territory, LOL) that the quarterback is supposed to be a captain/leader of a fo...

 I pray, I pray and then I pray again because I believe prayer can change situations. Lately, I have been praying for the state of this world, especially in this country, the United States. There has been a lot of wickedness in this world and of course, people can define their own wickedness. The definition of wicked means morally bad, very bad from Merriam Webster. I'm not talking about white lies or little Tommy grabbing cookies from the cookie jar, those things are bad but not terrible. I AM talking about MAJOR global implications that we have currently and implications in the communities THAT WE SERVE.       The global implications that I'm talking about is the California wildfires. Initially, I thought the wildfires were created because of the tectonic plates. I always believed that from earthquakes to tsunamis but later I found out that my sister told me she heard that it's a certain flower that populates the state of California that caused these wildfire...

 On January 14, I turned the BIG 32 (I made a typo on the flyer, LOL) and I told my mother I'm just glad that God gave me another year to live on this earth. Hopefully, I will live multiple years to come but if not, I'm content on who I am. That is a big IF, not a small if because of course, I want more celebrations, I want more life changing experiences, and I want more healing energies that will be developed into this world. Elevation is part of life and I've elevated in some areas more than other areas. For example, I've elevated and I am still elevating into a safe mental state, tapping into my emotions that I knew I had and the emotions I didn't know I had with my therapist. I've also elevated with my living situations. After I moved out of my stepfathers house, I lived in a shoebox (studio)  and after six years living in that shoe box, I am currently living in a one bedroom apartment and after living in the apartment for a while, maybe I'll live in a...