embrace positivity

 I had disabilities all of my life, Ocular Motor Apraxia when I was younger and Joubert Syndrome was discovered by my neurologist at the age of fourteen. This will be hard to pinpoint but throughout my life, I always was concerned about if people were genuinely laughing at my jokes (I can be a comedian at work, LOL), because they were funny or because of my disability. For example, I was working at Crowne Plaza and I was telling a joke and my co worker laughed her ass off to the point she fell to the ground. I told my other co worker, it wasn't that funny. That moment I wondered if she was being genuine on her laughter  or being super fake in that awkwardness because I have a disability, she just didn't know how to deal. Another example is when people say that I'm so sweet and the motherfuckers only spent two minutes with me. I hope they are genuinely nice but don't be fake nice to me since I have a disability. I don't know, this is how I felt and still sometimes fe...

Sometimes I want to chill with my own thoughts. I often reflect on my triumphs, setbacks and mistakes. I try to not regret anything, I just tell myself that I should've maneuvered in different ways. I promised myself that I wouldn't live in the past unless I reflect on how far I've come in life. I also don't want to relive the past because I had dark thoughts sometimes and I refuse to go back unless I look back on how far I've came like I said before. When I reflect, it can just look like me sitting on my couch in deep thought or the reflection can just come out of nowhere like when I go to a cafe and I think of a thought and that thought comes with many thoughts so in conclusion, deep thought. Maybe I'm mixing up reflection with getting into my emotions. Also, I could reflect on getting into my emotions. I don't know, I'm just rambling now, but I think this rambling makes sense.     In regards of getting into my emotions, I don't feel like it's ...

 Excuse me for my naiveness because I don't know the full scope of the incident that happened in Los Angeles this past week, but I can see what's definitely going on via social media. Of course, Trump has to fuck things up for human beings. I'm talking about ICE agents gathering illegal immigrants and deporting them. The immigrants might not be citizens yet, but they are human beings, and they deserve some type of human decency like the rest of the beings that live in this nation. The immigrants might not follow the right protocols, but everybody has broken a few rules, nobody's squeaky clean. In regard to the ICE agents gathering up immigrants, I think a moral high ground needs to be in place. I understand these people need a paycheck and feed their families but what's the cost behind that paycheck, separating families just because Trump's administration doesn't like the immigrants skin color. I think I can also say this about the military too. Also, I don...

 I try to be nice all the time but sometimes I fall short sometimes on how I speak to others, how I interact with others and how I respond to certain situations. I try to keep my emotions in check and most of the time, I do that well but periodically I can get annoyed easily or yell at somebody for some little reason. As I'm going to therapy sessions, I'm realizing this about me but also, I'm realizing that since I have these character mishaps, I'm human and this stuff happens but I need to correct myself as well. Prime example, I was frustrated because I was called off from work one day and I took it out on my mother. I love my mother and for anyone who reads my posts would know that. So, correcting myself looks like apologizing to my mother so I did. When I do something wrong, I have to correct myself and if I see that person or multiple individuals, I'll have to apologize no matter how big or small the incident is. The word is accountability and being mindful of ...

 On Memorial Day, I wanted to do something, it was such a nice day. Before I begin with this post, I would like to thank you for all of the service men and women, past and present who serve our mighty country and to keep the past, present and future generations safe. Back to the story, on Memorial Day, I went to the botanical gardens. I haven't been to the gardens before, so I decided to check them out. As I was exploring, a deep sense of tranquility came over me. The tranquility came over me but also a deep appreciation for nature and our planet casted over me. I never viewed myself as an advocate of climate change or save a planet type of guy but I realized that we must conserve our natural resources domestically and foreign so we can have plenty of the natural resources for our future generations.      I asked this young lady to go to the gardens with me but she declined. I was hella sad but what can I do? She gave me a reason but I'm unsure of that reason now i...

 This past Monday night I went to see the Wedding Banque t starring Bowen Yang. The Wedding Banquet is a beautiful movie that I highly recommend. I'm not going to spoil the synopsis but you gotta see the movie for yourself. I'm going to express my thoughts about the movie without trying to spoil the whole damn movie. I know people can be judgmental and reserved about how they perceive other people, especially if they don't know what exactly is going on. I try not to judge because I have been judged before, and I hated that judgment on me by other people.  There was a shooting in Orlando, Florida at a LGBTQIA + club (or should I just say a gay club) I believe a handful of years ago. Like I said in an older post, I might not share the same ideology or preferences with that community but I'm not the type to scole people just because they differ from other people. People might not accept other people's sexual preferences for religious reasons or reasons that are unknown...

 Trust me, I know it's easier said than done! Everybody has problems but at the same time, I think we have to think positive and have faith that our blessings will outweigh our problems. In my personal experience especially during these handful of past months that was difficult/straining for me, it seemed liked mini blessings that popped out in the midst of those difficult months. I want to see the mini blessings, medium blessings and the bigger blessings, I just want God to dump surplus blessings on me. Don't get it twisted. I am already blessed but that doesn't mean I don't want more blessings. Like if it was a tree of blessings, I want all of that tree, not just the damn leaves. Fast forwarding to a month or so ago, my family had a guy's night out, just a few of us went out to eat and that was a blessing within itself. That was our guy's night out, we haven't done that before and hopefully that first guys night out won't be the last. I viewed it as a...