embrace positivity

Since I experienced this and it's highlighted this month, I think I should speak about this and what I'm talking about is suicide prevention. Shout out to the people who are bringing awareness to this topic, its such a complex issue that shouldn't be happening, but suicide is unfortunately rapidly growing. My experience is that I contemplated suicide in the past, others have past by committing suicide including my friend, Joseph Wain a few years ago. I had a fond memory of him. The memory was when him, me, his brother and his mother went to the Lake Erie Crushers game one night. I was and still not obsessed with baseball but that day, I had a great time. We all sat on a red blanket to watch the game. My other friend told me the news, I shed a few tears. To say I was devastated, that would've been an understatement. We all have sad moments, and I think the key is to get out of those sad moments somehow, through your spiritual leader, your family, yourself, your friends o...

 I went to my first audition today and I think I did ok!! I was nervous even thought it was a cold read. Outside of the audition room, I was reading the lines so I can memorize them so I can impress the casting director. Welp, that didn't happen at all!! When I went to the audition room, my mind went blank after the first line (LOL). So, after two failed attempts after trying to remember the lines, I just read the lines off my phone. I am proud of myself to just go and see what happened.      I always wanted to elevate but as of late, I have a strong inclination to level up even more in regard to anything creatively. Whether its poetry, my blog, auditioning more/extra gigs or/and even writing my short stories/novels, I AM going to keep elevating, no matter what. The process of elevating and going to the next level is different for everybody, but for me it's not surplus money in the beginning, even though I want to capitalize monetary for my art in big ways somehow bu...

 I had disabilities all of my life, Ocular Motor Apraxia when I was younger and Joubert Syndrome was discovered by my neurologist at the age of fourteen. This will be hard to pinpoint but throughout my life, I always was concerned about if people were genuinely laughing at my jokes (I can be a comedian at work, LOL), because they were funny or because of my disability. For example, I was working at Crowne Plaza and I was telling a joke and my co worker laughed her ass off to the point she fell to the ground. I told my other co worker, it wasn't that funny. That moment I wondered if she was being genuine on her laughter  or being super fake in that awkwardness because I have a disability, she just didn't know how to deal. Another example is when people say that I'm so sweet and the motherfuckers only spent two minutes with me. I hope they are genuinely nice but don't be fake nice to me since I have a disability. I don't know, this is how I felt and still sometimes fe...

Sometimes I want to chill with my own thoughts. I often reflect on my triumphs, setbacks and mistakes. I try to not regret anything, I just tell myself that I should've maneuvered in different ways. I promised myself that I wouldn't live in the past unless I reflect on how far I've come in life. I also don't want to relive the past because I had dark thoughts sometimes and I refuse to go back unless I look back on how far I've came like I said before. When I reflect, it can just look like me sitting on my couch in deep thought or the reflection can just come out of nowhere like when I go to a cafe and I think of a thought and that thought comes with many thoughts so in conclusion, deep thought. Maybe I'm mixing up reflection with getting into my emotions. Also, I could reflect on getting into my emotions. I don't know, I'm just rambling now, but I think this rambling makes sense.     In regards of getting into my emotions, I don't feel like it's ...

 Excuse me for my naiveness because I don't know the full scope of the incident that happened in Los Angeles this past week, but I can see what's definitely going on via social media. Of course, Trump has to fuck things up for human beings. I'm talking about ICE agents gathering illegal immigrants and deporting them. The immigrants might not be citizens yet, but they are human beings, and they deserve some type of human decency like the rest of the beings that live in this nation. The immigrants might not follow the right protocols, but everybody has broken a few rules, nobody's squeaky clean. In regard to the ICE agents gathering up immigrants, I think a moral high ground needs to be in place. I understand these people need a paycheck and feed their families but what's the cost behind that paycheck, separating families just because Trump's administration doesn't like the immigrants skin color. I think I can also say this about the military too. Also, I don...

 I try to be nice all the time but sometimes I fall short sometimes on how I speak to others, how I interact with others and how I respond to certain situations. I try to keep my emotions in check and most of the time, I do that well but periodically I can get annoyed easily or yell at somebody for some little reason. As I'm going to therapy sessions, I'm realizing this about me but also, I'm realizing that since I have these character mishaps, I'm human and this stuff happens but I need to correct myself as well. Prime example, I was frustrated because I was called off from work one day and I took it out on my mother. I love my mother and for anyone who reads my posts would know that. So, correcting myself looks like apologizing to my mother so I did. When I do something wrong, I have to correct myself and if I see that person or multiple individuals, I'll have to apologize no matter how big or small the incident is. The word is accountability and being mindful of ...